this blog was

where i would send words from my phone when i did not have a computer, but i have forgotten how... maybe i'll remember someday... maybe i will get a modern phone and tablet and computer one day too... windows vista, ha...

don't mock me ;P

what was this
what is this
what did it all mean
what does it all mean to you right now?

what will you
what won't you
what could it have been
what is it all about in the here and now?

is it just the hunger to survive being alone
as emptiness fills every space where love should be?
is it merely passion wishing to be known and shared
as natural instinctive drives deep into lonely lonely

loneliness
can leave the heart ailing
as hope wains
feel the spirit failing
struggle to believe
in love
above
the end of the world
the end of belief
leaving only pain
the suffering
of grief

tell me you didn't give up
tell me i didn't quit
tell me there is still hope for love
tell me you still feel it
tell me i still feel it
tell me all the doubts are false illusions
just delusions of an idle mind
together we can find
the hope and dreams and belief in love
have not been left behind

is this it?
imagine
life is kind

i have no clue where this was coming from
or where it was going
i was left out of the knowing
and it feels like so much longing
so much wanting waiting for
something more
something more
something more

mostly forgotten
like the dream of love
once the most powerful promise
i've ever known
now all that is left is feeling lost
in the unknown

it was just there
now it's despair
like salt on snow
the melted glow
leaves the ground bare

and meaningless
undress redress
like summer wind
i must rescind
i must confess

feeling nothing else uncertainty
i have no idea what this should be
lament leaning toward infinity
lingering longing where i used to find me

maybe this is something left
for where i used to be

And yet even as the body wants to collapse even as the writer wants to go the bed somehow the fingers find a may to move to get these words out of my head

even when it's odd

even when i find a moment to feel
there is not enough time to explore on the feeling
like not enough air to dive into the depths of the ocean
to experience the moment that is eternity

even when i find the inspiration
there is not enough motivation for the feeling
to expand into the revelation it can be
like not enough hope to overcome the depression in the earth
that a comet strike could bring

even when i find the moment magic
something comes along or someone interrupts the feeling
people are so dramatic in their worries
like not enough faith in themselves to take control
and fix whatever they did wrong

and once again it happens
to help someone who needs me
i leave the precious moment
unfinished

lost along the way

feeling kinda lonely lost in limbo tonight
wondering if clarity will come with morning light

don't want to close my eyes
and yet i
don't want to see the the empty space around me

don't want to close my mind
and yet i
don't want to think about how no one has found me

feeling kinda wonky old and wasted tonight
wondering if patience will make everything alright

don't want to just let it be
and yet i
don't want to do anything desperately

don't want to compromise
and yet i
don't want to live a life of lies

do you understand the words coming out of my mouth
does anybody hear me
hear me

do you give a damn if i stand up or slouch
does anybody feel me
feel me

do you remember how it felt to be real
does anybody know me
know me

see me
see me

touch me
heal me

feeling kinda retrofit nostalgic tonight
caught between too lose and sorta feeling uptight

don't want to go to sleep
and yet i
don't want to die, no i don't want to die

don't want to be alone
and yet i
don't want to lie, no i don't want to lie

do you remember
oh do you remember
(what life was like)
life before the lie?

were you lost along the way
do you even know
what was lost along the way
do you even care
what was lost along the way
you do even out
what was lost along the way

do you understand the words coming out of my mouth
does anybody hear me
hear me

do you give a damn if i stand up or slouch
does anybody feel me
feel me

do you remember how it felt to be real
does anybody know me
know me

see me
see me

touch me
heal me

It took long enough to find my way
Technology is not working today
and the eyes are blurry up close
and fatigue is an unpleasant host
in the night all alone
out here on my own
Sometimes I wish consciousness would end
All I want to do is sleep
How I wish I was with a friend

I wish I had a friend
who would be here in the night
When the weight of the world brings me down
When awareness of the way people treat each other
Turns my smile in to a frown

Oh I wish I had a friend
who understood me
who would tell me everything was ok
Someone who could be the one I could trust
to make the whole world fade away
The one who would save the night
and still be there the next day

Someday
Someway